couple days gone

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Again.............

I'm laying here....not able to sleep as usual. The reasons this time are different. Last Nite my ex-fiance made me feel like complete and utter shit about myself. Bringing things up from the past. Yelling at me. Threatening me. Cursing. Basically telling me how worthless i am. How i'm nothing and a nobody. And how I'll never amount to anything. I just wonder why he feels he has the right to do this to anyone. I've tried so hard to be his friend. I've had lunch with him and his gf. Even helped get her a job! Because i do care about him as a friend. I'm just not in love with him. He refuses to accept the fact that i'm gay. He does really well with it for awhile and then next thing ya know He's making sure to tell me i'm going to hell for it. What sucks is that he knows how i feel about religion. How It's a struggle for me to find a balance. But I've always been taught that god is love. And if god is love then how can it be wrong???? I just wish he'd look in the mirror before he felt like he had the right to pass judgement on me....i really do. Because once again i had a sleepless night. Over this person I've tried to hard to be friends with. Sometimes in life It's time to cut the people out of our lives that in all honesty don't care if we live or die. To them It's a power struggle. So to my friends that helped me remember that last Nite......thanks. It means the world to me..........Nic

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Thursday, March 06, 2008

Driving..........and adventures...part two
Category: Travel and Places

The best part of this adventure? Two things......escaping the drama that somehow weasled It's way into my life the last couple weeks.......getting to kind of re center myself. Getting a break....with no responsibility....no stress. Ya me with no stress. It was weird. Lol the second thing....getting to know a friend better. That alone made it worth the trip. Four hour drive and all. Plus i saw so many neat things. For cereal. Lol anyways i'm driving through decatur and thinking i should pay attention. Lol so i'm done rambling for now. Never fear though.... You know I'll have more to say later!

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Driving..........and adventures...
Category: Travel and Places

So right now i'm driving....yes i'm blogging from my phone again. Technology is a grand thing. Anyway.... Like i said i'm driving.....and i've noticed that illinois is a really flat state. I dunno maybe i've just gotten used to missouri. After all i've lived there for years now. Being back in ill i've noticed a lot of things. Gas is more expensive here.....bars close sooner........it seems like you can drive across the state in like six hours....i guess the biggest thing.....there doesn't seem to be as many farms......at least not animal farms. So here i am. Driving home from EIU where i had an interesting few days. Fun. But interesting. I never did the whole traditional college thing....so i got to experience what It's like being a college student. It was fun. I drank. Lots. More than usual. I was basically drunk, eating, or sleeping while i was there. Which seems to be what college aged people do. Lol i met some great people. Gotta say as far as groups of people go i usually get very overwhelmed.....didn't really with them though. They made sure i felt welcome. Could be they were just having fun getting me drunk. Lol. The drinking games were not something i'm used to....they were however tons of fun. Lol i finally played beer pong so i can officially mark it off my list of things to do before i die. Lol. I drank a lot of Tequila. Took a lot of advil. Dealt with women being jealous when they have no reason to be. Let alone any right to be. Hello i'm single. I can go where i want. With who i want. I can kiss whoever i want too. Don't want me to? Then make me not single.....until that happens however I'll do as i please. I'm an adult. It's a perk. Just like leaving town for three days without telling anyone but work and the lucky friend that takes care of my cats......thanks again jenny......being alone allows me to do that. Just get up and go whenever i wanna. As long as my obligations are met What's it matter? The best part of this little adventure? Read the next blog.....

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Monday, March 03, 2008

My place
Current mood: content
Category: Writing and Poetry

While i love being in my place....because It's mine.....i'm still not used to being alone here. It's easier though....now that I've spent the weekend not alone. And i love laying here with the window open listening to the rain. To me That's just amazing. I love it. It's so peaceful. Relaxing. Pure. And while i'm sure that I'll eventually be used to being alone in the house.....it's times like these that i really miss having someone to cuddle with. But That's enough for tonight. I'm blogging from my phone and this takes forever. Lol Nite all!

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