a few days

Friday, May 05, 2006

Slightyly Scared...........UPDATE again2
Current mood: blank

So today was a little better. Not so much crying. At least for the most part. Yesterday wasn't hard crying it was just tears. I think I was still in shock. Today was okay and then out of nowhere it hit me. The reality of it all. And out of nowhere I lost it. HARDCORE. I couldn't quit not just crying but Sobbing. I don't think I have ever in my life cried this hard. I can't sleep now either. I can't quit thinking about this test tomorrow. Not only that I can't eat anything now until the damn thing is done with. Who know's what time that will be tomorrow. Lord knows that doesn't help me any. Anyways enough. The more I think about it the more I am on the verge of tears.

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Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Slightyly Scared...........UPDATE again
Current mood: shocked

So here I sit. Still in shock. I think that must be it. Cause I can't quit crying, I went to work tonight and it was pointless. I couldn't focus, I couldn't concentrate. It sucked. and yet here I still sit crying. why is this happening???

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Slightyly Scared...........UPDATE
Current mood: worried

Okay so here is the latest. I got the CAT scan results this morning. It is a tumor. No question about it. I go in fofr a PET scan on Friday and I am scared. I can't quit thinking about it and I can't quit crying. This isn't fair! and I don't care what anyone thinks. I'm sick of being told not to be scared!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am scared.

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Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Slightyly Scared...........part 4
Current mood: anxious

Still no real answers yet................had the CAT Scan but beyond that nothing...................and here we go again..........hurry up and WAIT!!

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Friday, April 21, 2006

Slightyly Scared...........part 3
Current mood: drained

thanks everyone for the well wishes and all. Here's the update. The doctors have found a tumor in my upper right lung. (although at first they said it was my left lung) and they aren't sure yet if it is benine or malignent. The down side to this is that it has grown in size since the 30th, which to be real honest scares the shit out of me. If it wasn't cancer why would it be growing???? The first set of X-rays they showed me this thing was bigger than a dime but smaller than a nickel....now it's bigger than a nickel. And to be real honest I am scared shitless. So they have me on an inhaler now cause I can barely breathe and they have me on some other stuff, and to be honest not sure why, thinking they are wondering if it will shrink it or not. But I just wanted to let everyone know what was going on. It took me a few days to absorb it enough to post about it. And to be really honest I still haven't fully absorbed it. Enough about this shit..................

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Thursday, April 20, 2006

Slightyly Scared...........part 2
Current mood: worried

So the Dr's appt didn't go so well.........don't really feel like talking about it right now.........just really worried is all.........it just wasn't what I expected.......


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