Current mood: confused
So there comes in your life where you think you are okay with how it is....then something or someone unexpected comes along and knocks the wind out of you....and you literally feel like you are a top.......spinning.....out of control....and ready to crash.....not knowing when it’s going to happen.....or how....just knowing that it’s coming. and probably sooner than later. then to top it off....you have people in your life that you’ve always been able to count on...to depend on...that rock you yet again....by telling you that you’ve treated them like shit. and you think to yourself......how? You know that you’ve done everything that you can think of to be a good friend. Yes you make mistakes. No you aren’t ALWAYS there....but you do what you can, you aren’t a superhero...and there are times that you aren’t able to be there....even though you want to. there are times that you want to be there and you want them there. but you live far apart....or you aren’t close like you once were. Yet you have always felt that no matter what........
they’d be there. and u’d be there for them. and now you are not doubting that if they really needed you that you’d be there....but you wonder.....what about them? would they be there for you? I dunno. I got told that I’ve been a shitty friend today.,....that since I came out I havne’t been the same. that since I came out I’ve basically pushed all my straight friends away...and I never thought that I had.
I honestly was trying to have an even balance of friends....I have my core group that I go out with all the time. We are the scoobies....and half of them are straight...so I didn’t get it. I think maybe this friend is feeling pushed aside? I dunno. I hope not. I’d never give up on her....she’s my oldest friend. I love her as though she is my blood sister.....and maybe that’s the problem? Maybe I just assumed she felt the same way.....that no matter what...we were sisters...and the rest was just shit. it wasn’t anything that we had to deal with. or worry about. that no matter what we were going to be there for one another.......and maybe she needed me and felt that she shouldn’t have to tell me that....and yet is that a reason to tell me I’m a shitty friend....I dunno.
It has me kind of messed up....the whole thing. I try so hard to be a good friend to people. and I know that I’m not always. I make mistakes. I fuck things up. I break promises even when I don’t mean to. I try to always be the type of friend I would want. and yet.....I know I’m not.
When I was in high school I had buddies. We did everything together. I never worried about what I was going to do on weekends because we all knew we were going to be together, doing whatever. Now that I have grown up my friends have their own families to take care of.
I think everyone needs at least one on buddy. It is an important part of life. It is an important relationship to have. When you don’t have a boyfriend, girlfriend, fiance’, wife or husband you can hang with your buddy, or buddies. People you have thing in common with, who share the same ideas and outlooks.
Friendship is an important part of life. It is an important part of your emotional health. You shouldn’t neglect it. Even if you get married you shouldn’t neglect those that you have spent so much time with, building relationships. Friends are hard to come by. Don’t give them so easily.
Everyone is busy but, when you have the chance, make new friends. Get out and meet people. People don’t seem to value friendship much anymore. Or maybe when people figure out they can’t get anything from you or use you they have no more use for you. Don’t let this stop you. There are still people out there who know the ways of friendship. If you don’t you stand the chance of becoming isolated, lonely, and maybe even bitter. Don’t let this happen. Go out a make friends.
I have found that not every friend I made in grade school is going to be my friend in my teens, twenties....or even my thirties....I just hope that all of my friends know that I love them. The ones that I don’t get to talk to every day...the ones I text at 6 am just to say good morning...the friends that I haven’t seen in years...and yet...when I see them, I want to hug them and remind them...if they EVER need me....call.
So.....how do I make sure that my friends from my past....when I was the "straight girl" and my present friends are able to coexist as just.....my friends? I want them to all be able to get along.........and yet I don’t want to make any of them uncomfortable....what to do...
| Currently listening : |
Then You Can Tell Me Goodbye
By Neal McCoy
Release date: 11 June, 1996