Sunday, August 19, 2007
People that just don’t Quit!!!!
Okay..............so here we go again........I just had this all wrote out and somehow lost it so here we go again. I have this ex you see....and he's become slightly crazy. I'm not saying that he is a crazy person I am simply saying that since we split up. I realize that I hurt him and that he probally has had his pride bruised over it. However I am not responsible to make him happy for the rest of his life. I am very remorseful over tha fact that I hurt him in the process of becoming me. I know that he thinks that I wasted three years of his life and for that I am truly sorry. I refuse to be made to feel like I need to apologize for this for the rest of my life. I am human I make mistakes.....and not only that I am the first person to say I am NOT an innocent little angel. I know that for a long time wanted everyone to believe that oh you know Nicky is this lil angle and she's so sweet and so innocent and she's just this nice lil person. I am not that person anymore. I am finally becoming comfortable in my own skin. For the first time in my life I am finally able to just be myself. I know that there are people out there that will NEVER accept me for who I am. I already know this.......I've already lost friends over it. But I have at the same time learned who my TRUE and REAL friends are. The people that accept me and love me no matter what. It is such a relief really......I no longer have to hide who I am....I'm lucky enough to be blessed with people that apparently love me no matter what. Finally I feel like it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks......I get to live for me. I don't feel like I have to hide who I am. I want to be accepted for who I am.......not for who everyone else thinks I should be. I guess you could say for the first time in my life I am not putting anyone elses life before my own. I am wanting to just live. To be happy. To feel complete. For the first time in my life I am actually happy, on my own. People have commented on it to me lately. I've lost ten pounds just by not being stressed out I think. My skin is clearing up...I'm just happier than I have been in a very very long time. When people are commenting to me that I look happier....that I am acting happier it's nice. I dunno I've blogged on this before. and I started this blog so long ago...like over two hours......I just keep going back and forth about what I want in here exactly. I want people to understand that while yes I know I hurt him I am tired of feeling badly about it. I am over it. I messed up.....I am human........I make mistakes......I am not perfect......imagine that. I am simply me. I sometimes cry over stupid things.......I laugh at the most inappropriate moments..(thank god I have Rena and E to laugh with me at those times..lol) I get nervous over stupid things......I crack the stupidest jokes...I fall asleep when people are being absolutely adorable and sweet to me......simply because I push myself so hard that when I do finally relax.....well I crash I guess. lol Anyways I guess I'm done.....I probally made no sense in all of this.....I just like to rant and rave when it's on my mind. okay BLAH I am done. lol