Sometimes things overwhelm me. And I don't know how to deal with them. I try. But things....well sometimes they just get the best of me. I'm sitting here right now. Wishing I could just go back to bed. It's one of those depressing days. Days I try very hard to not have.....days I very seldom do have. I have my appointment at the Dr's/Hospital today. Fun fun. Not. I have to go in and have my tests done. Today is the day I'll find out if it's cysts.....or tumors....if I can have kids....or if I can't. Today is THAT day. I'm scared. I don't want to admit it. And whenever anyone has asked me...I say I'm fine. I don't let them know how scared or worried I am. I am though. I want to cry. But I don't. Then after that.....I get to go to the Visitation.

I'm not looking forward to this at all. So today and tonight will be all that......then in the morning is the funeral. Graveside services. Why?

I'm still not sure how all this is happening all at once. This sucks ass.

I'm not in the mood.


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