While I started this before the funeral it's now six months later, and I still miss Sydney every single day. Every day. There literally isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about him. About the friendship that we had, and that I'll never get to see or hear his silly butt again. I don't know how we all got through the funeral, but somehow we did. I don't think it would have been possible without Beaux and Princess and our family. I'm not going to lie, I still have days with I struggle with guilt, I think I may always. I keep going back to the argument we had, and how stupid it was, and how that was the catalyst for him to take off. Then I remember that it was unfortunately bound to happen. That he had been in the hospital twelve times the previous year for accidental overdoses. I was blessed enough to have a lot of his other friends reach out to me, but more than that, we were able to fly his little brother here for the funeral as well. And then Trav came back and spent a little oer a month with us this summer. I feel like its our responsibility to take care of him. This poor boy honestly doesn't have anyone else. So now he does. Our entire family has embraced him, taken him in, and we honestly all love him. There are times when he looks at me, and I see Syd shining through him. Those times are sometimes very hard, because of how much we miss him, but then there are the times when I feel how proud Syd would be to have all of his family together. He had always said I was his sister......so now I'm Trav's big sister. I guess whenever you lose someone it's natural to mourn them, lord knows I have enough experience doing that. I'm never going to understand what made him feel that taking his own life was his only option, but I am at peace with myself over it. I'm just going to do what he always did......love, and live my life. To the fullest. Every day.